Southminster Presbyterian Church

“Not forgiving is like drinking rat poison and then waiting for the rat to die.” – Anne Lamott

Truth sometimes comes to us in the strangest ways.  How often do you hold or carry a grudge, refusing to  forgive the person who wronged you?  And have you ever considered that it is like drinking rat poison and waiting for the rat to die?  Anne Lamott definitely has a way with words and images that casts a fantastic light on life.  I recommend her books to you.

But this post isn't about Anne Lamott.  Instead, it's about conflict and forgiveness.  If there is one thing we Christians are good at doing, it's fighting.  And we're best at fighting with ourselves.  Which is ironic, because we follow One who said, "You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’ But I tell you, Do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also."  No, when we've been wronged, we want to make sure we have opportunity to hit back - usually with greater force.  In fact, things get so bad at times that we begin to refer to our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ as our "enemies" (I've actually heard an elder say this in reference to other members of the Session - crazy!).  Really?  Our enemies?  If we are all following the same Lord and King, how can we possibly be enemies?

But we are.  And we treat each other that way.  And every one around us knows it.  But we can't stop, because the wrong they perpetrated against me is too painful, too harsh.  And it must be paid back.  So in the best of situations, we call an uneasy truce.  We smile nicely at each other in the halls and say to each other on Sunday morning, "May the peace of God be with you" while we mutter curses under our breath.  Which is ironic, because we just asked God's peace to be with them.  Hmm.

The problem, though, is that Anne Lamott is exactly right.  When we let conflict fester, when we don't take the steps to initiate forgiveness and reconciliation, it's like drinking poison and expecting the other person to get sick.  Of course, they don't.  And we then become more sick.  And then we become miserable, and misery loves company, so we begin spreading the poison around.  And pretty soon the whole church, the body of Christ, is filled with poison, and everyone is sick, and no one knows why, and the church begins to die from the inside.

I think that's why Jesus said, "Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift."  How can we worship God fully and truly if we are carrying around grudges and conflict?  If we try and do so, our worship will become stale and flat.  We'll wonder why we feel so distant from God.

I don't know what the grudges are that you are carrying around.  I am sure you have very good reasons for holding them and that the wrongs committed against you were deep, and painful, and severe.  And I'm truly sorry that happened to you.  But I know that holding those grudges is hard.  And I know that the work of forgiveness and reconciliation is harder still.  But I know this: Should you choose to embark on that journey, you will not walk that path alone.  For Christ will walk it with you - he who was wronged more deeply, betrayed more painfully than we ever will - he who hung on the cross and asked his Father to forgive those who put him there.  If you need someone to sit with you as you begin that process of forgiveness and reconciliation, let one of the pastors know.

"I appeal to Euodia and to Syntyche to agree in the Lord."
- Paul, Philippians 4:2

It won't be easy, but I promise the rewards of healing, forgiveness, restoration and reconciliation are more than worth it.  Notice what Paul said: He urges Euodia and Syntyche to "agree with each other in the Lord."  Nothing here about agreeing with each other.  Rather, to agree "in the Lord."  It's about submitting ourselves to our Lord and King, Jesus Christ.  It's about realizing that, more often than not, we are as culpable in the situation as the other person.  It's about humbly admitting that we might just be wrong, too.  It's about realizing that, most of the time, we can probably agree to disagree and still serve our mutual Lord side-by-side.

I had an opportunity to do this just last week.  Not only was my relationship with this other person immeasurably improved, but so also was my relationship with God.  Was it hard?  Very much so, and humbling too.  But absolutely worthwhile.  As you celebrate our Lord's sacrificial work that enabled us to be reconciled to God, how might you begin the sacrificial work of being reconciled with someone who has hurt or wronged you this week?

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked,
“Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me?
Up to seven times?” 
Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times."
- Matthew 18:21-22